Decisions (Day 833)

Cory is on the verge of getting a new job, looks like we'll be moving to NYC in August (finally!?).  I say that because this decision is scary... why?  Fear of failure, mistakes, heartbreak, success- the reason for inaction, entropy goes on and on and on...  I watched a very interesting film the other day called "Mr. Nobody"  starring Jared Leto-what an amazing fucking actor he is- anyway, the film's main point is about the metaphysical nature of a person's life and how every decision (or indecision) leads to a very specific action and then by that action, a very specific future.
On my way home today, I was approaching a crosswalk with a cargo van parked perpendicularly to it.  As I started to enter the crosswalk, I saw a cab approaching and the driver had ample time to come to a stop when he saw me.  He didn't see, however, the guy walking right into the street from the front of the van between me and the cab, nor did the guy look to his left before walking into the street.  I yelled "watch it" to the guy stupidly walking into the street, as he turned to look at me he slowed his step just long enough to not walk directly in front of the oncoming (and now slowing) cab.  If I was even 1/2 a second later, this guy would have been hit by the cab.  If I didn't see him, or failed to yell out in time, he would have gotten hit by the cab.  If I took a different street, or stopped to tie my shoe, he get's hit by the cab...

We've all pondered the nature of the butterfly effect throughout our lives, if i had or hadn't made this decision or been here or not there at this time, this wouldn't or would've have happened.  I've decided that I don't want to go through life not making decisions out of fear for the unknown.  Wouldn't I (all of us) be happier if we could just take solace in the fact that making a decision takes control of an uncertain future.  I don't mean to infer that making a decision, any decision, is as easy is it could sound.  All decisions come with their own weight-the largest being regret.  But knowing I chose that path, taking ownership of that decision- that is where hopefully, i'll learn to find peace...

New Beginnings (Day 775)

Yes, this has been quite the hiatus- I have no excuse other than that of the self-defeating malaise that hits your typical blogger.  I did however have a few handy excuses prepared, like the fact I got MARRIED to Cory Elizabeth Trembath Rouillard on July 13, 2013!  Or, that we just got back from our 20 day honeymoon to Hawaii!  And now... I'm broke...  The plan all along has been to move to NYC, something that has been delayed due to my ill-timed courtship(career speaking).  So, i've continued to be in a creative and financial limbo since my last post.  The creative drain is 100% my fault.  With no $ to spend on actors studios, it's been left up to my own crummy motivation to spur productive creativity- a unique quality I seem to be in short supply of.  I'm working at it though, I've attempted to summon some actor friends to join me in my quest for self-actoralization.  It's slow going, most of them are as unmotivated as myself, or spend their time marketing themselves, but not actually doing anything.  Goddammit, I say it's time to start DOING something, anything- starting NOW!