Getting Old

I've decided to eschew the whole "day #x"  thing... it's hard to figure out when I haven't written in awhile and it also makes me feel old somehow...  maybe it's the fact that I'm on the cusp of turning 39, which is just one year from the "dreaded" 40.  Looking at my life now, living in NYC and being married, seems like a pipe-dream, even from as recent as a couple of years ago.  I'm here!  In THE city, time to do my thing and get paid!  Only, that's not happening.  This transition is incalculably more difficult and trying then I ever thought it would be.  Oh, woe is the man unprepared to accept his fate- to which I say NEVER!  It'll get figured out, eventually, right? Time to get cracking! Just need a little nap first...

Decisions (Day 833)

Cory is on the verge of getting a new job, looks like we'll be moving to NYC in August (finally!?).  I say that because this decision is scary... why?  Fear of failure, mistakes, heartbreak, success- the reason for inaction, entropy goes on and on and on...  I watched a very interesting film the other day called "Mr. Nobody"  starring Jared Leto-what an amazing fucking actor he is- anyway, the film's main point is about the metaphysical nature of a person's life and how every decision (or indecision) leads to a very specific action and then by that action, a very specific future.
On my way home today, I was approaching a crosswalk with a cargo van parked perpendicularly to it.  As I started to enter the crosswalk, I saw a cab approaching and the driver had ample time to come to a stop when he saw me.  He didn't see, however, the guy walking right into the street from the front of the van between me and the cab, nor did the guy look to his left before walking into the street.  I yelled "watch it" to the guy stupidly walking into the street, as he turned to look at me he slowed his step just long enough to not walk directly in front of the oncoming (and now slowing) cab.  If I was even 1/2 a second later, this guy would have been hit by the cab.  If I didn't see him, or failed to yell out in time, he would have gotten hit by the cab.  If I took a different street, or stopped to tie my shoe, he get's hit by the cab...

We've all pondered the nature of the butterfly effect throughout our lives, if i had or hadn't made this decision or been here or not there at this time, this wouldn't or would've have happened.  I've decided that I don't want to go through life not making decisions out of fear for the unknown.  Wouldn't I (all of us) be happier if we could just take solace in the fact that making a decision takes control of an uncertain future.  I don't mean to infer that making a decision, any decision, is as easy is it could sound.  All decisions come with their own weight-the largest being regret.  But knowing I chose that path, taking ownership of that decision- that is where hopefully, i'll learn to find peace...

New Beginnings (Day 775)

Yes, this has been quite the hiatus- I have no excuse other than that of the self-defeating malaise that hits your typical blogger.  I did however have a few handy excuses prepared, like the fact I got MARRIED to Cory Elizabeth Trembath Rouillard on July 13, 2013!  Or, that we just got back from our 20 day honeymoon to Hawaii!  And now... I'm broke...  The plan all along has been to move to NYC, something that has been delayed due to my ill-timed courtship(career speaking).  So, i've continued to be in a creative and financial limbo since my last post.  The creative drain is 100% my fault.  With no $ to spend on actors studios, it's been left up to my own crummy motivation to spur productive creativity- a unique quality I seem to be in short supply of.  I'm working at it though, I've attempted to summon some actor friends to join me in my quest for self-actoralization.  It's slow going, most of them are as unmotivated as myself, or spend their time marketing themselves, but not actually doing anything.  Goddammit, I say it's time to start DOING something, anything- starting NOW!

Madness (Day 288)

I filmed my first SAG authorized commercial last week for the MA State Lottery! No lines, but then again, nobody got lines...  Commercial work pays, a LOT, but it also is pretty soul-sucking.  Production sees you as a piece of the set, not as an actor with your own unique set of ideas and abilities, it's pretty much- "dance, monkey, dance"...
In other news, i've finally put together my first reel!!!!
check it out:

https://vimeo.com/52667064

Elections and Corrections....(Day 282)

I just voted- yeah, so didn't we all.  But I realized this morning, while being halfway dragged to the polls by my fiancee' (yes, I did say FIANCEE'- September 1st!), and complaining bitterly about the near-freezing temperature, lack of coffee, and two-hour long line, that how spoiled we all are...  People complain about having to wait in line to vote?  This is but the singularly most important thing we can do as citizens of this country!
and then I saw this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdpGd74DrBM&feature=youtu.be

What the fuck people?!  How can we let this stand?  Things like this undermine the very fabric of our very fragile democracy (and all because Republicans pushed through multi-state legislation that allowed a totally partisan private and very corrupt company 'Diebold' to install digital voting machines with no paper trail, no voter reciept, no accountablility!)  This isn't a conspiracy theory- this is actually the truth!
ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back from the dead (day 205)

Welcome back my fellow readers!  It's been almost two months since I've written, and for this I apologize...
It's been a crazy summer.  Since my last post, I've done background work in all four movies shooting in Massachusetts this summer, including:  Grown Ups 2, The Way Way Back, Labor Day, and "The Heat" (yet to be titled) I've been close enough to kiss (or punch, depending on your preference) all the stars, with the exception of Kate Winslet on the set of Labor Day.  Out of everyone, she's the one I really wanted to meet... she's a fearless actress and I admire her ability deeply.  I suppose there's always next time, right ;)
So it's been 15 hour days since the last week of July.  I also finished an Industrial back in July. Now, it's onto making that elusive reel, and beginning the long scary slog of trying to get work in NYC...  Along my travels, I've run into many an actor from Boston or NYC that are facing similar barriers (such as what pseudo-scam showcases to attend, who to train with, where to put your money... etc.)  It's looking more and more like you have to be in the city to actually make this thing work.  Duh, right?  But before I go to that dark place of self-doubt and recrimination, and feed the specter of hopelessness that's omnipresent, I need to take a breath and remind myself that this is just the beginning...
I've also included a few new additions to my work:

The Devil and Harm which I'm in for 1 second at the end (I get shot)

Moonsmilers
WARNING: this is very graphic!  I thought i'd be proud to be part of a violence-laden bad B-movie like this (i've always wanted to do one)  but then they added a few scenes in the middle that are just disgusting and downright disturbing...so if you do watch this, avoid the material between the 7:54 and 11:15 marks, or don't say I didn't warn you!
Enjoy!

New Short Film! (day 148)

Hey campers!  Just got my grubbies on a new short I co-starred in, it's called 'The Witness' and has some very disturbing imagery (about the level of CSI, SVU, or any other tv show out there).
I also just finished up an encore performance of "Waiting for Lefty" at the Arsenal Center for the Arts this past Sunday.  I'm sure I'll write about my experiences of that later, so I'll keep it short today...
Enjoy!
The Witness


:)